A father of three and his wife faced the difficult task of preparing their young children for her death. Since her passing, he has continued to keep her memory alive by doing various things.
When CJ Infantino lost the love of his life, he was left to navigate life as a single parent. Here’s how his journey took that turn, leading him to raise their three children alone.
CJ and Ariana, high school sweethearts who married at 21 and 22, relocated from New York to California’s Bay Area after he secured a position at Meta. They spent several years raising their children there until Ariana’s life changed drastically. She was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer on her husband’s 30th birthday in 2015.
Recognizing the seriousness of the diagnosis, they decided to move back to New York. They wanted Ariana to be closer to her family and to give their children a stable environment amid the inevitable loss.
“We spent the next five-and-a-half years trying to live as much life as we could. We wanted to pack 30 years into 10,” CJ recalled. As Ariana’s condition worsened, her husband battled overwhelming fear and heartbreak.
“I was scared, broken [sic] and moving into a stage of life I wasn’t prepared for,” he admitted. His focus shifted solely to caring for Ariana and their children, even as he shut down emotionally to endure the immense pain.
While CJ holds many moments dear, one remains vivid. On September 5, 2020, he and Ariana sat their three children at the kitchen table in their California home. That day, they told them their 35-year-old mother was going to die.
Their youngest, only eight, turned away, his face blank as he looked at his mom sitting in her chair. Meanwhile, their two older children, aged 12 and 10, hugged Ariana, who then had 17 tumors in her brain.
“I actually captured the moment we told them on camera,” CJ recalled. After the shocking news, CJ and his children moved to the living room, letting their emotions flow. The kids cried out, “Mommy, no, Mommy, no,” their voices were full of heartbreak, while he listened to their anguished pleas for Ariana to stay.
As the evening wore on, the family gradually found some comfort. They pulled themselves together, ordered pizza, and sought a sense of normalcy by watching a stand-up comedy special. Later, they put on Ariana’s favorite movie, “Elf.”
Reflecting on that night, CJ shared, “Watching the movie felt heavy and sad. I knew it was the last time we would ever get to watch it with her.” He described how every moment felt amplified by the weight of imminent loss while thinking if that would be the last time.
Throughout his wife’s battle with cancer, the couple remained open with their children. They explained, “Mommy has cancer, and we’re going to keep fighting it,” involving them in every step, even when it was difficult.
When Ariana anticipated losing her hair due to treatment, they transformed what could have been a traumatic event into a shared family experience. They gathered to pull out her hair and shave her head, easing their fear. Still, tougher moments loomed ahead.
Throughout their marriage, Ariana was the steadfast protector, shielding CJ and their children even as her illness worsened and metastasized to her bones and liver.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, metastatic breast cancer, also known as advanced or Stage IV breast cancer, occurs when cancer spreads from the breast to other parts of the body. While it cannot be cured, treatments aim to improve quality of life and extend survival.
Thanks to advances in medical research, more people are living longer with the disease. Currently, about 170,000 women in the US are living with metastatic breast cancer. Estimates from the US National Cancer Institute projected that around 297,000 women and 2,800 men would be diagnosed with breast cancer in 2023.
Symptoms vary, though not every physical change signals progression. Fatigue, often caused by chemotherapy or radiation therapy, is a common side effect.Persistent exhaustion, loss of appetite, or unintended weight loss should prompt a conversation with a healthcare provider. Symptoms depend on where the cancer spreads.
Bones: Sudden joint or bone pain, fractures, numbness or muscle weakness, and swelling
Brain: Increasing headaches, vision problems like double or blurred vision, seizures, nausea, vomiting, and personality or behavior changes
Lungs: Chronic cough, shortness of breath, chest pain, and frequent chest infections
Liver: Jaundice, itchy skin or rashes, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and decreased appetite
Unfortunately, there is no known way to prevent breast cancer from spreading. It can happen when cancerous cells persist after treatment and travel through the bloodstream or lymphatic system.
CJ recalled a particularly harrowing incident while he was working remotely for Facebook. He remembered hearing a knock at his office door. When he saw Ariana’s bloodshot eyes, he knew something was wrong.
As panic set in, she tried to calm him, saying, “Please don’t freak out.” He replied instantly, “You can’t tell me that. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
She then delivered the news, “I need to let you know the cancer has spread again. I tried to get through a spinal biopsy without being put under so you wouldn’t have to drive me home from the hospital until I knew what was going on.”
