An emotional parenting choice left the former first lady at odds with her husband, revealing just how difficult raising children can be.
In a June 25, 2025, episode of the podcast “IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson,” Michelle Obama revealed how a disagreement over a baby sleep-training method tested her resolve as a mother. Joined by psychologist Jonathan Haidt, she discussed the moment she let her husband, Barack Obama, take the lead in a decision she initially resisted.
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Haidt began by recalling how he and his wife chose to “ferberize” their infant son — a technique by Richard Ferber that involves letting a baby cry for set periods before being comforted to help them sleep through the night. Not all parents choose it, but Michelle said, “We did the same thing.”
When Haidt asked how long it took before her daughters adjusted, she admitted, “Well, I didn’t want to do it, right? Barack did it, and I don’t know that I could have done it because I wasn’t sure about it. The notion that you just let the little person that you love the most cry, cry, cry.”
She added that the sound of her baby crying was unbearable, and because of that emotional challenge, the couple agreed that Barack would take the night shift while she went to sleep. Still, Michelle added, “I would have to cover my ears so that I couldn’t literally hear the crying.”
Fortunately, the sleep training was quick. “It took no longer than a week,” Michelle said. “And it was really after the first two nights that it, you know, because we started early.”
Haidt then asked how old her child — it was never specified whether they were speaking about Malia or Sasha Obama — was at the time.
“It was when we weaned her off of breastfeeding, which was four months, five months. So it was very early. So she learned quickly,” she explained. “The quicker you start to implement the action, the more responsive the child is sooner.”
The psychologist agreed and elaborated on the key part of the method, explaining that waking during the night is a normal part of the sleep cycle for all mammals. He emphasized that infants must learn to fall back asleep on their own rather than depending on external comforts like nursing or being held.
The Obamas, who married in 1992, raised their daughters while balancing demanding careers and public responsibilities. Earlier episodes of the podcast reveal more of Michelle’s reflections on the emotional realities of motherhood.
In a clip posted to Instagram on June 19, she discussed how the emotional intensity of parenting never fades.
Radio host Angie Martinez, who joined her for that episode, recalled how she would frequently check on her infant son’s breathing while he slept and how exhausting that vigilance became.
Realizing that the constant worry wouldn’t end, she said, “Oh my gosh, this never stops. […] Like forever, I have somebody to worry about.” Michelle replied, “Forever and ever. Amen. As I say, you know. I don’t care how old.”
She went to acknowledge the weight of that responsibility, saying it simply continues through generations. “Parenting is for, you know, it ain’t for everybody. […] You gotta be tough,” the former First Lady concluded.
In a separate episode posted May 14, Michelle emphasized the importance of allowing children to make mistakes. She said, “It is the hardest thing to do. To watch your kids walk into a wall that you knew was there.”
Yet she believes shielding children from consequences robs them of crucial growth. “They need to know you can bump your head and you can figure it out. Go to the doctor, put some ice on it. Don’t do it again,” she expressed.
Furthermore, Michelle underscored the need for parents to gradually grant children more autonomy, describing it as a constant practice in giving them longer leashes while still being close enough to catch them when they fall.
At the same time, she stressed that her daughters should always feel secure in reaching out for help, especially during serious hardships. They could trust that they would never be judged or doubted, because their efforts and intentions were already understood.
